Conscious Incompetence

There are two frequently seen models of learning how to do rope bondage safely and effectively.  The first (possibly the more 'traditional' approach) is all about the personal approach - find a mentor, take classes, spend time in a sort of apprentice role.  There are distinct advantages to this - the hands on approach and -particularly from a safety point of view - always having someone in the room who understands the mechanics of what you are learning and where you could go wrong. 

This approach is pretty difficult for most people, though.  Finding local people with the skills, time and inclination to teach is not easy. I have my own reservations about this kind of teaching too, in that it means that bad habits can be very easily passed on. 

Far more common is a messy combination of using instructional books, videos and a whole lot of trying things out without quite being sure how they will work.  This works just fine for low risk stuff but can be pretty dangerous if, for instance, you want to start learning how to hang people off bridges. 

Me? I've been lucky enough to be able to use a combination of these - I have a dear friend with a lot of hard won experience and knowledge who talked me through the basics, and Kadi and I have worked our way through quite a lot of online 'Rope 101's - adding commentary as we go.

I'd say that when it comes to ropework, I'm at the 'conscious incompetence' stage of knowledge.  I can do the basics, but I'm aware that there is a hell of a lot that I don't know or understand yet, and it will take a long time and a lot of practice before I do. 

Given my lack of competence, it's kind of strange to be asked to teach others how to use rope, as happened last weekend.  We did it by sticking to basics - the things that we have done for years which only use a couple of knots.  Harnesses and double coin knots are beautiful, but if you are teaching a couple of people who just want to tie each other safely to a bed then there's really only a few things that they need.  Kadi and I sketched out a rough plan for the afternoon, and this is how it went:

Pre-ramble: boundaries, expectations, intentions

This was a really interesting experience, because we were trying to strike a balance between a casual chat with our friends about what they wanted to get out of the afternoon, and also establish what boundaries they  were comfortable with and what experience they already had - with people who have very different experiences and ways of communicating.  Anyway, this set the tone of the whole afternoon, because we figured out what kind of things they wanted to learn and could explain the limits of what we were teaching.

Firstly: the full safety talk 

A rundown of nerves, joints, places where you don't want ropes putting pressure.  Explaining why multiple wraps are used, and the importance of checking restrained limbs for temperature and sensation.  Kadi also offered to sell them a pair of EMT shears that we had spare (I haven't had to use mine yet, but it's always good to know that they are there, and that our friends will have them too). 

Secondly: overhand and reef knots

Really, just these knots open up a huge realm of possibilities - but if you can't reliably tie a reef knot correctly then you can't guarantee a secure and locked tie, and it's a huge safety risk (at a less serious level it's also a serious risk of knots slipping and tightening, and having to stop whatever you're doing to adjust or retie, which is frustrating and annoying). 

Thirdly: single column tie (boola-boola, standard tie, wrist cuff, etc)

One of the most important techniques, and it's really important to know how to do this in such a way that it won't tighten.  We gave them two variants - the double-locking L knot from Two Knotty Boys (which is the easiest and most certain locking cuff I've found - but it uses both ends of the rope which makes it impossible if you're halfway through a tie) and a modification which can be tied mid-rope.

Fourthly: double column bind

Possibly not essential, but this one is tied with a single line and includes wraps, and is just pretty. It's also useful, as it creates a column between whatever is being tied (wrists, ankles, thighs etc) which can then be attached to more rope. 

I'll admit to getting more than a little fun out of watching people struggle with wrapping ten metres of rope as well (I enjoy kitten top syndrome very much, and now I get to infect others!)

Finally: Improvisation

Every rope get-together I've been to has eventually reached this point.   You've sorted safety, and everyone has a basic grasp of how to tie a limb to something.  With more time and different people, there would probably have been a demonstration of a couple of harnesses as well before reaching this point.  Hopefully, everyone is relaxed and comfortable with what they've learned, so this final stage is a nice wrapping up point.  People with experience who want to show off something more complex and sensual might get a chance, or people can experiment and figure out fun applications for what was learned earlier. 

It's also a really good time to make sure everyone's going to leave in a good place. If you have switchy people who have been playing one role so far (such as teaching, directing and monitoring everyone), then they might like to be tied up too.  That one's from personal experience - watching and helping other people enjoy being tied up for hours can leave me unsatisfied if I don't get some fun myself.

We finished of by sharing our rope bounty - getting our friends to cut and wrap it themselves (using their new safety shears) - and sending them on their way.

Follow-up:

Okay, our friends knew that they were a test case for us - that we hadn't sat down with people and taught a rope 101 before, and were figuring out a lot of it as we went along.  So when we checked in the next day, we asked how they found it, and if there was anything else that they would have liked to learn, and suchlike. 

It wasn't a very intense rope session - simple ties, no full body restraints, staying well inside people's comfort zones and doing less than they had experienced before so it wasn't quite as important to check in on how they were the next day from a physical/emotional safety point of view.  Kadi did send links to online rope 101s and other sources of information.

I'm kind of hoping they will come back in a bit and ask about harnesses...