Power dynamics and consent

(Picture shows a person holding a sign reading "Consent is f*cking sexy".  It was taken at Toronto Slutwalk 2012 and submitted to genderfork.com by Lynx)

One of the interesting things about tying people up is changing the approach that you use for each situation.  The way I approach and tie someone who I am in a relationship with is very different from what I'll do with a friend who just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.  Being able to separate power dynamics, the thrill of using rope on someone and simple instructional ropework is vital - and occasionally quite tricky.

With the couple of (non-overtly kinky) friends that have asked for demonstrations, it's been a matter very much of figuring out what kind of experience they are after and trying to tailor it to that.  And both of them spoke only of wanting to try the physical sensation.  I found myself talking to them, keeping them grounded, stopping them from drifting as a lot of people do when they get tied up (particularly when they have the curiosity to ask about it from the friendly neighbourhood rope perv).  Possibly, this stopped them from having an experience which they could have enjoyed more - but in both cases I felt that the boundaries of consent that they had negotiated excluded anything more intense.  Both of those experiences were fun, but were more acts of service (or friendship) than topping, and were fundamentally non-sexual. 

It did leave interesting questions about consent in my mind, though - these were people with very little or possibly no experience with d/s dynamics (or none that they were willing to disclose to me), who would not consent to sexual acts with me, but who wanted me to tie them up.  They were somehow absolutely certain that even though I tied people up and got off on it, they could have a non-sexual experience.  So that's what I agreed to, and I think I managed to provide for them (though I got in trouble for one, as my dom at the time felt that a prohibition on sexual activity with others without telling him included any ropework with others).  It also left me with a tendency to listen for what people may be 'not not-consenting' to because it didn't cross their minds. 

Fast forward a few years, and I'm working with a group of people on a suspension.  At one point, the rigger-in-charge orders the rope bottom down to the floor, using what I tend to call the 'dom-voice'.  My response was an, "I hear what you did there" - and later we got to talking about that moment.  The rope bottom was just his type, and very submissive, but power dynamics weren't an agreed part of what we were doing.  His response was that he may have got a little carried away, but it was entirely within his ethics.

Well, that opens up a whole fuzzy ground of implied consent, and people who won't say that they will be submissive for the extent of a tie but are comfortable with it. 

I have an interesting testing ground for this coming up - I'm going to be doing a basic rope intro for some friends who I've been flirting with for a while, who tend to have very fuzzy boundaries.  This could be an amazing opportunity to practise self-control...or re-think some my ideas about consent.